ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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