I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
