Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
