are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
