yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
