why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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