so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He better not be in your backpack
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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