We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
