god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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