Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
