Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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