There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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