She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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