Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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