i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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