so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
