I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
