just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
