he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
