I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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