...so i touched it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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