How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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