she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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