I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
