Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
