PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
