You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
