Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
