You're my little dorito
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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