Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
