I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
