You smell like a Billy Joel song
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
