I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My balls are so social today.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
