I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
