i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
