Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
