I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
