btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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