i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
cat food counts as protein by the way
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
