dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
