I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need to calm my uterus...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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