The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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