Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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