Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Farmville is her only friend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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