No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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