If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
