I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
