I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
