You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're too hungover to prance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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