i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
