you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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