I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
