if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
